HERE IS MY PUBLIC TESTIMONY (I have a lot of qualms with people using the Internet as a forum for public confession, so I hate to confess anything in public or online….well, because I am a secret pervert, and I have a secret life as a stripper in the dark corners of the world, and I secretly covet your…..uh…never mind).
I promise to behave for the rest of the year, and put other things before money and work.
As a singleton, I have a lot of problems with work – I don’t know when to stop because I am single, and I have a thousand justifications as why I should keep working (well, those documents aren’t going to write themselves! who else should do this work besides me – I don’t see anyone else here! that looks like so much fun, I can’t wait to do it! – so on, and so forth). Honestly, it is not healthy to keep working, and I don’t cultivate those relationships that are important to me. So I suffer in the long run. Historically, my suffering has led me to throw myself harder into work, so the cycle continues (well, he’s not going to be there for me, but my work is!). Partly is that I live by myself, I work at home, and I just stare at my work, and feel triggered to do it. Oy, call it a workaholic syndrome.
So, I promise to take pause before throwing myself into work at least for the rest of the year. I promise to take a break! It kills me. I might have an anxiety attack though. Or multiple anxiety attacks at the thought of not working.
Ok, my secret confession (grab your popcorn folks, this one is juicy): I have been seriously guilty of stretching out my work longer, and making things more complicated than they need to to be just so I can work longer. I like sitting in the energy of efficacy and getting things done. But the stretching bit…..it may have had something to do with…….oh, I don’t know, uh,…..maybe….uh…an avoidance of something?? I don’t know – can’t put my finger on it.
My defense is that I am a Scorpio Rising, and have a naturally obsessive personality. Not much of a defense, I know, but I thought I’d throw it out there.
On a much more serious note, I think I am going to hell for liking work so much. I do think I will suffer for not working hard enough on my relationships, and using work as a subterfuge. UGH. I seriously think we were put here on Earth to enjoy ourselves, and not kill ourselves for a few dollars or the like.
Oh well….c’est la vie. Life is not work.